What you don't know about foreplay
In common sexual scenarios foreplay is everything that precedes intercourse itself, including penetration.
When we think of foreplay, we usually think of kissing, rubbing, oral sex, or sexting.
But this is a very restrictive view and can make us feel like something is wrong if we don't do it "right" or follow the routine: foreplay, then sex, then orgasm, then pillow talk and cuddling. But it doesn't have to be systematically like that. Indeed, some cultural ideas we have about foreplay simply aren't true.
How long should foreplay last?
In 2004, the Journal of Sex Research conducted a study where 152 heterosexual couples were asked about their optimal duration of sexual intercourse (including foreplay). For all participants the answers were more or less the same, namely between 18 and 20 minutes.
However, women have considerably reduced the amount of foreplay desired by their partner, suggesting that men do not like foreplay.
This probably comes from the idea that men only enjoy penetrative sex and everything else is just something they need to do to get on to the "good stuff." But this is clearly a misconception! According to this study, men sacrifice nothing during foreplay and probably enjoy it as much as their partners.
In reality there is no ideal duration for foreplay, the only thing we can tell you is that foreplay begins the moment sex ends...
Up to you. 😉
Every little thing can be seen as foreplay
The goal of foreplay is, above all, to cultivate the desire and anticipation to make you think about steamy scenarios, a kind of sexy pre-play.
Something as simple as doing a task your partner doesn't like or sending your sweetheart a secret smile from across the table at a party can help. The same goes for cuddling in front of a movie or holding hands while talking about sex.
These are things that can strengthen bonds and create intimacy, things that can help you cut down on the sexy breaks and start adding fuel to the fire.
Stress, the enemy of our libido
Stress can be one of the main obstacles to sexuality. Imagine the joy and relief on your partner's face when they realize that they don't have to do that thing they hate because you were kind enough to take on the task yourself. It might be extra emotional labor or something as simple as clearing the table after dinner or clearing the couch so there's room to sit next to each other the other.
You can then go to bed and be completely in the moment – feeling the feelings, savoring the sensations. Eliminate mood-destroying factors as early as possible so you have enough time and space to take action later.
Take care of yourself
Understanding what makes us feel cared for and how we like to show others we care is important to expand what we consider foreplay and sex. Being able to explain these preferences, especially to our partner, will help us create fulfilling, intimate, and enjoyable encounters together.
By anticipating your partner's needs, you show them that you are thinking about them and that you are consciously making an effort. It is important that everyone understands the language of love (see: the 5 love languages) of the other and acts accordingly.
For example, if your partner's love language is "affirming words", you can compliment him/her or encourage him/her in his/her projects, you will see that he/she will be receptive to this type of words. .
Another example, if your partner's love language is "quality time spent together", organize a restaurant, go to an exhibition, have a picnic, without being interfered by your phone, just the two of you and nothing else.
Create enjoyable experiences that are unique to you
What are the things you like to do for your partner that warm your heart? Do you like to make him/her coffee in the morning when he/she doesn't expect it or wear underwear that you know he/she likes?
What makes you feel good?
Think about things you do every day but for which you are not present in your body. For example, when you put cream on yourself after a shower, do you mindlessly rub yourself while thinking about what's for dinner or do you stop to actually think about touching yourself ? Notice how you feel when you receive a pleasant touch from your own hands. The more present we are with our bodies, the more we can discover what feels good, whether it's sex or not.
Explore and try to find new ways to experience and give pleasure to yourself and your partner!
Sex is an ever-evolving practice, and expanding our conception of sex and everything that comes with it, like foreplay, makes room for more creative, more embodied, and more pleasure-focused experiences.
The little Blush bonus
Use lubricant during foreplay to make the moment even more pleasant.
You can also use a sex toy during foreplay to directly raise the temperature and set the tone. 😏
Ona our clitoral stimulator is perfect for two people to use. Its compact design makes it easy to hold and it has a fairly large hollow head that fits around the clitoris. Let yourself be tempted by this new experience.
Lara
